These last couple years of my life have been the most rewarding and most difficult. Life has continued to give me lemons, but at the crutch that I no longer want lemons, I want my health.
I’ve been going through a little dark age. A page that I would love to burn out of the book and forget forever. I continue to write to you dear reader about my struggles with long covid. An illness that continues to plague me.
While my health has continued to improve each year, there is no telling what it will do next. For almost a year, I would be breathing in the dark lying on my side, in a room in which my feelings would start to rot with the amount of time I’d spend in there.
As I got better, I would find myself venturing out of that room and meandering throughout the house. My worst fear of going back out into the world is having the illness flare-up and leave me stranded. But I persisted, and I’d open the door to the world I was once apart of.
And…the engine’s failed again. All of my limits were disguised. I now grieve through the car’s stereo, but the stereo sounds strange. Just have to hope for a better day. Back to the mechanic until all systems are a go again.
Do this enough and you start to become giddy with delight, seeing what’s to come. The image of the dead are just dead ends in your mind. You fight the compulsions to remain rotting in that room. You battle the demons when you’re out doing everything you once loved. You immediately head for the door with a stone and sense of rage. You are that which must always overcome.
You finally open your eyes and burn the page of this little dark age.
This piece was inspired by the song Little Dark Age by MGMT.